My Hero
by TheFifthCharmedOne
Summary: "James, I have to tell you something," "Hm?" "I love you too. You're a hero." "I'm no hero," he said humbly. "You're right. You're my hero."


My Hero

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own Harry Potter. I only own Lily's friend Eve.

Summary: A few days before Lily Evans is due back at Hogwarts for her seventh year, she is attacked by a bunch of thugs. Raped and nearly killed; she finds her rescuer is none other then James Potter. As they share the secret of what happened that horrific night, Lily finds herself falling for him. But is she falling for the real James Potter, or is she falling for the man she thinks he is? Oneshot.

* * *

I never should have left the house without my wand. That was my first mistake of August 15th, 1977. Also known as the worst date in my entire existence, but I'll get to that later.

My name is Lily Rose Evans, I was born on January 30th, 1960, and I am a Muggle (non-magic folk) born witch, now attending my seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I have two best friends, one, Alice Stevens, a fellow witch and Gryffindor. She's petite and small, but very loud and loveable as well. She's dating Frank Longbottom as the moment, and they plan to marry not long after Hogwarts. My other best friend is Eve Kalitscki. Her full name is Evelyn, and she's a Muggle. I love her dearly, though I only see her in the summer.

Speaking of Eve, I was on my way home from her house when the unthinkable happened.

The yellow new moon was cast over my small neighborhood in London, England. I was walking hurriedly toward my house when I felt a hand grip my neck and my bum from behind. I tried to scream, but another hand covered my mouth.

My head was slammed against the wall, making stars appear in front of my eyes.

"Lookie here boys, we got ourselves a little treasure here tonight." snickered one of my assailants. "A little redhead who shouldn't have been out after dark."

I tried to squirm away, but they held tightly. "Come on sweetheart, don't be like that. We just want to have a little fun,"

I could smell the alcohol on his breath and the tobacco on his clothes, and I felt myself getting nauseous.

Soon I felt lips covering mine and I tried to bite and scratch, but that only made him more excited. I tried kneeing him where it hurts but the other three were pinning me to the wall. There were a total of five, one that was the ringleader and the one who talked the most, while the other four held me against the wall. Even if I'd had my wand, it would have been useless.

He ripped my clothes off; and he probably intended to kill me.

I felt him inside me and I wanted to scream, cry, and yell. My throat was raw with the effort. It hurt like hell, and then it was over.

I had my eyes screwed shut, hoping it would block out the pain, but nothing stopped him. He punched my mouth, and tried to strangle me. Then the pain stopped, but I still couldn't open my eyes.

I heard a cry of pain and opened my eyes in shock, taking deep heaving breaths. I saw a figure at the end of the alley and I instantly recognized a wand in his grip and the round glasses I had grown to detest.

James Potter.

The five men that had been attacking me where sprawled on the ground, shock written on their faces. I swallowed and felt the bitter wind bite at me. It was over, but at the same time it wasn't. The taste of stale alcohol was still on my lips, my body covered in someone else's sweat and disgusting liquids. I wanted to run, run, and run. Never stop running.

"Lily," I heard a hoarse voice whisper. I turned and I saw James, hesitantly coming toward me. I closed my eyes; humiliated and ashamed, praying he would go away.

"P-Potter," I mustered. "H-How..? W-Why..? You c-could b-be expelled…"

"You think I care about that right now?" he said harshly, and I cringed. He softened and lightly touched my arm. I flinched away from him. I gathered my clothes to the best of my ability and wanted to run, or wake up, because this felt like a horrible nightmare. "Lily…" he whispered my name, and felt tears in my eyes.

I had James Potter to thank for saving my life. I could hardly believe it. "We should get you home."

I nodded numbly, still not believing what had just happened.

_Rape. _

I had just been raped. I'd lost my virginity to some random bastard that was drunk off his ass and was going no where with his life.

_Potter. _

James Bloody Potter had just saved my life. He had just appeared out of no where and knocked out five men with the flick of his wand.

_Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. _

I repeated to word in my head, and shivered. We were walking toward my house. The lights were still on, and the thought of what my parents would say made me fall over.

"Lily!" James caught me. Wait. When did I start calling him James?? Potter damn it, Potter!

That seems so small compared to what had just happened. It was my fault, I knew it was. I shouldn't have left the house without my wand, or any way to protect myself. I had never thought that this would happen.

"Potter, you can let go. I'll have to sneak in the back. I can't let them see me like this."

"Lily, they're your parents. You have to tell them."

"NO!" I shouted, tears threatening to fall. "I can't tell them. I just can't. What would they say?"

Ja-Potter! Potter didn't have an answer for that. "T-Thank you Potter. You saved my life."

He nodded. "What are you doing in the Muggle World anyway?" I asked as I snuck around to the back of the house.

"Seeing someone." he answered vaguely. I reached the back of the house and saw Petunia's light was on. Figures, she's probably talking to Vernon. Stupid whale.

_Whale. _

The man that attacked me had been rather large…

I shivered again and tried not to show weakness in front of Potter. Yeah, good luck with that. I moved over to the ladder under my window and made a move to climb up. Suddenly Potter's hands were on my waist, helping me up. I resisted the urge to curse at him for touching me, and I almost fell into my window. I heard Potter's footsteps fade away, and I felt alone again.

When I was finally in the safety of my room, the emotions I had been trying to hide in front of Potter blew up. Anger, sadness, pain, and most of all, _guilt. _

This was my fault. Completely. If Potter hadn't shown up, I wouldn't be around right now.

Tears streamed down my face as the nightmare that had happened not an hour before assaulted me. I screamed into my pillow, my throat hurting more then before.

My mother must have heard the ruckus because she came in to my room, my father not far behind.

"Lily Rose Evans! Where is the world have you…" she stopped when she saw me. I must have looked a fright, because she looked like she was going to faint. "Lawrence…" she whispered my father's name, and I tried to cover myself from them.

"Lily…my dear sweet Lily…what's happened to you?" Daddy whispered. I swallowed. I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't.

~*~*~*~*

I kept my mouth clamped shut for the remainder of the summer, only opening it to cry myself to sleep every night. I showered every day, but I never felt clean. Cleaning my body will never erase what that man did to me.

When it was time for my return to Hogwarts, something I usually looked forward to eagerly, I just felt sad. I was sad all the time now, and guilty. I would also have to see Potter again, which would be humiliating. Knowing him, he would tell his friends about the hero he'd been for me and then the whole school would know before the end of the first day.

But would he tell them that he had seen me be raped? Would he go that low, be that evil? Even if it was Potter, he wasn't that cruel. He just wasn't. He couldn't be.

I really hoped he wasn't.

My Hogwarts letter came via owl post and I discovered I was going to be Head Girl. Before August fifteenth, I would have been over the moon about this. But now I was just sad, sad all the time.

~*~*~*~*

I arrived at King's Cross Station and said a wordless goodbye to my family, hugging and nodding.

I went through the passageway and took my carry-on from the cart. The conductor took me things as per usual and I stepped onto the train, a feeling of foreboding weighing on my shoulders.

I arrived at the compartment I usually shared with Alice and our other friend Willanne (Will) Perkins, only to find it empty. Typical them, they would be late on the last train ride.

I sat and just stared out the window, not really seeing anything. I just wanted to forget, but I knew I never would.

I heard the door open and saw James Potter's reflection in the window. I didn't say anything, I hadn't talked for weeks.

"Lily." he stated my name placidly, and I closed my eyes. "Are you all right?"

Tears filled my eyes because of the tenderness his voice held; and I flashed back to that night. He had been so brave, and he must have used some pretty powerful magic to do what he had done. "Lily, you can talk to me. I haven't breathed a word about what happened, and I never will, unless I have your permission."

I turned to him and smiled for the first time in a while. It was a simple gesture, but it was enough to make his eyes light up.

"Potter, get out of here before I hex you!" I heard Will chastise before she saw me. "Lily, has this jackass been bothering you again?"

I shook my head, and Will looked surprised, to say the least.

Willanne (she HATES her name, and will only be called Will) Athena Perkins is a pureblood witch, and one of my very best friends. She's mean to people until you get to know her. Once you know her; she's a sweetheart.

"See you in the Prefects cabin, Lily." said Pot--oh forget it--James. My brow furrowed, and then I noticed the Head Boy badge on his chest. Calling him Potter means I still hate him, and I can't now. Not after what's happened. He walked away, and Will looked at me quizzically.

"One, why is he calling you Lily? Two, why are you letting him call you Lily? And three, why was he here to begin with?"

I shrugged. "Why aren't you talking?" I shrugged again.

"Her throat probably hurts Will. Leave her alone." said Alice, walking in. I smiled. Will frowned.

"Is that it Lils?" Will asked. I nodded, because it was better then any excuse I could have come up with.

Soon enough, Alice started with her usual amount of gossip and I zoned out, watching the landscape change as the train ride continued without a problem.

~*~*~*~*~*

Later that night, after the feast and the handout of schedules, I meandered through the castle, avoiding Gryffindor Tower because that meant I would have to talk to Will and Alice, which I just wasn't ready to do.

I was wandering through the halls of the third floor, when I passed the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. I saw a shadow in there, and as Head Girl, I decided to take a look.

It was only Peeves, planning some sort of prank for the next unfortunate soul that happened to cross his path. I rolled my eyes and pointed to the end of the hallway, where Filch was waiting. This was enough to scare Peeves away and I left with a satisfied ghost of a smile.

"Lily!" I jumped and whipped my wand out, only to see James standing by the large stone with a flickering flame atop it. It illuminated his face, and I pocketed my wand, relaxing a little. "Lily, what are you doing? Why aren't you talking to anybody?"

How had he known…? Oh, Will probably told Sirius, who told James. Sirius and Will have had an on and off relationship for the past year or so. Guess they were back on again.

I shrugged. "That's not an answer Lily." I shrugged again. He peered at me, and it seemed like he was staring into my soul. That man had held that same stare. I flinched away from it and turned away. "Lily." I heard him walk closer, and I turned around to glare at him. "You know that doesn't work on me."

I continued to glare. I couldn't speak; I'd practically lost the ability to do it properly.

I knew Filch was close, so I told James to leave with a cock of my head. When I pointed down the corridor, he understood.

"Wouldn't want to get in trouble and smear your perfect records, eh Lily?" I glared at him, and a laugh almost escaped me. I clamped it down, forcing it back into my stomach. I didn't deserve to laugh. He frowned. "Come on Lily, please, say something," he begged. I clenched my teeth. "Say you hate me, at least it's something."

I kept my trap shut. He sighed and I saw his hand jump to his hair out of the corner of my eye.

When I got to Gryffindor Tower, I found Professor McGonagall waiting there. Will and Alice were there as well, watching from the sidelines. I gulped; how could I have gotten in trouble on the first bloody day?

"Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, would you follow me please?"

She stood up and James looked at me. I shrugged. He sighed. We followed McGonagall out of the portrait hole and she stopped at the seventh floor landing.

"As the two of you are Head Boy and Head Girl, you have been assigned a new dormitory. You can reach it by casting a simple spell with the wave of your wand. It only works with raven feather interior, which you both have, am I correct?"

We both nodded. She continued. "The spell is _Dormitorious Revealus._ Lady and Godric are eagerly awaiting your arrival." she walked downstairs. "Oh, and you need to come up with a password for your entry. Right now you just have to show them your badges, but later you're going to need a password, or anyone can get in."

She walked away, and I looked at James. He pulled out his wand and cast the spell.

A staircase formed out of thin air, and we walked up it together. The stairs led right up to a portrait of Lady and Godric Gryffindor, who were smiling proudly.

"It's a proud day when two of my students are picked to be Head Boy and Girl." said Godric. James smiled, and I did too. It made me feel proud to have Godric acknowledge us. I shouldn't feel proud. I shouldn't feel anything.

I frowned again, and James looked at me.

"Lily, what should the password be?"

I looked at him, giving him a look that said: 'Don't try it; I'm not going to talk.' He sighed again. "Fine, how about….remembarall?"

I nodded, it made sense.

"Very good," said Lady. "You may go in."

The portrait opened and it revealed a beautiful common room. It looked almost like Gryffindor Tower, but was much smaller, as there are only two people living here, not over a hundred.

The late evening moon was shining against the firelight, casting a warm, welcoming glow over the room. The floor was chestnut hardwood, but in the center there was a carpet that had the Gryffindor Lion over the Hogwarts crest. The couches were red with gold blankets draped over their backs.

"It's nice, isn't it?" I nodded. He ran a hand through his hair. "Lily, you have to talk sometime."

I shook my head. The attack was _my _fault. I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve to be Head Girl, I don't deserve to have this beautiful dorm, and I don't deserve James Potter's kindness, or affection. "Lily, please, don't shut yourself out like this. I understand-"

"No you don't!" I shouted, my voice cracked from weeks of disuse. "You don't understand anything!"

James looked at me as though he was surprised to hear my voice again. It sounded foreign to me too. "I'm sorry." I ran off and ran into the room labeled "Head Girl: Lily R. Evans." I didn't even bother to take in the scenery of the room; I just fell down on the bed and cried into my pillow. "_Accio Buddy._" My trunk opened and my teddy bear that I've had since I was one levitated over to me. I hugged it like my life depended on it.

~*~*~*~*

The next day, being the first day of classes, was stressful as usual, and once it was over, Alice and Will invited me to the Gryffindor Tower to catch up. Normally I would have looked forward to hearing about their summer, but then they would have asked me about mine, and I couldn't bear to think about what had happened, let alone talk about it.

"_We just want to have a little fun," _

I flinched, and Will held my shoulder to steady me.

"Lily, come on, talk to us. We're your best friends, we're always here for you."

I smiled sadly at them.

"I know Will. I just…I can't talk about my summer."

"Why?" questioned Alice.

"Because she can't!" James cut in suddenly. I looked at him in surprise. Where had he come from? "Will, Alice, I know you mean well, but-"

"What do you know?!" yelled Will. "In case you've forgotten, Lily hates you!"

"No I don't." I admitted quietly. Will, Alice, and James all looked at me in surprise. "Look, Will, Alice, I promise, I'll explain later, but I just can't now."

Will looked like she was going to say something, but closed her mouth. I walked away. I can't believe I just openly admitted that I don't hate James. Damn it all to hell, now he's going to tease me about it. I shouldn't have said anything…

A hand on my shoulder made me flinch and jump away. I turned around, hand gripping my wand, when I saw James standing there.

Bloody fantastic.

"Not now," I whispered as I turned on my heel and walked away.

I don't know where to go, Head Tower's out because James is a Head, Gryffindor Tower's out because Will and Alice will be there…maybe the library? Nah, too many peering eyes. The Lake? That could work.

I stampeded down the Grand Staircase to the Entrance Hall. I saw the door was open, which made sense, it was before curfew and it was warm for a late summer day. I slipped outside, my bag slapping against my back as I speed walked away.

I was at the Lake's side in minutes, and only a few people were out here. I sighed in relief, thankful for the quiet. I put my bag down and laid down, my hair sprawling across the grass. I looked up at the sky, and took a deep breath. I tried to think of good things; things that made me smile…but…

"_Lookie here boys, we got ourselves a little treasure here tonight."_

"_A little redhead who shouldn't have been out after dark."_

"_Come on sweetheart, don't be like that. We just want to have a little fun," _

My head shot up and I felt a cold sweat beginning in my scalp. I swallowed and tried not to think about it. But the thoughts kept coming back. I shivered, even though it wasn't remotely cold. I pulled my knees under my chin and stared across the Lake. I heard footsteps behind me, and I didn't bother to turn around.

"I'm not talking." I said.

"I'm not asking you too." James replied, sitting down next to me. "Just listen."

His voice was gentle, but firm. I found myself compelled to listen to what he had to say. "Lily, when I said I understand, I meant that I've watched this happen before. My cousin Olivia….was…" he swallowed thickly. I looked at him. "Raped and killed." he finished quickly, almost inaudibly. I gasped. "That's why I had to save you. I almost died when I lost Olivia. She was like my little sister. I had to save you, not just because I needed to justify losing Olivia, but because," he looked at me. "I care about you."

"I don't deserve to be cared about. I don't deserve _anything._" I said, standing up.

James stood beside me.

"Lily..you know that's not true. You deserve to live. You can't hole yourself up for the rest of your life."

"Who says?" I snapped. He looked at me.

"I do." he replied. "Olivia…there was no way to save her. But I can save you Lily. But only if you save yourself."

"It's not your job. You were just being a good guy back there. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Do you honestly believe that?" James said, meeting my eyes.

Honestly, I wasn't sure of anything. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see his hazel gaze piercing into me. I turned around.

"No. I don't." I said as I picked up my bag and started to walk away.

~*~*~*

The first week passed by as usual, but I tried to keep my distance from James, sticking to Will and Alice like glue. We didn't talk much; but I was glad to have some companionship, even if I wasn't worth their time or effort.

It was early October before I saw James again; it was time for the Prefect meeting, and I was always there early, as James had a record of being late.

But not today.

Today he was waiting for me in the Prefect office. I pretended like he wasn't there and went on to set up like I normally would.

"Lily, you can't just ignore me." he said. I looked at him fiercely.

"Yes. I can." I said through clenched teeth. "And if you know what's good for you, you'll let it be."

"I can't! Lily! You have to talk to someone!" he exclaimed. My hands balled into fists tightly, and I tried my best not to throw punch right into his face.

Luckily, the prefects showed up then and business went on as usual. I felt James glancing at me, and I did my best to ignore it.

~*~*~*~*

Halloween came and went, and I couldn't face the fake frights, because I still had nightmares of my own. I just stayed in my dormitory, trying to sleep, but not really succeeding.

I had been crying myself to sleep since the night it happened, but this was the first night I woke up screaming.

I tossed and turned and screamed into my pillow, until finally I felt myself wake up. I saw James standing in the door, I'd clearly woken him with my screaming.

"Lily," he said quietly. "You can trust me."

_Trust. _

That's a loaded word. I trusted myself to be able to take care of myself that night, and look what happened. I barely talk to Will or Alice anymore because I've been so busy hiding from everything. I guess I've forgotten how to trust anymore. Everything was taken from me that night. My virginity, my pride, my dignity, and anything pure that I might have had left. Taken. Stolen. Ripped away. However you phrase it, it still happened. And it was still my fault.

"I don't know how to trust anyone anymore." I whispered, clutching Buddy tightly. I heard his footsteps come closer, and I looked at him. He was standing a few feet from my bed.

"Trust isn't something you know how to do Lily. It's something that comes naturally. If you think you can't trust, then don't listen to your head. Listen to your heart."

~*~*~*~*

It was after that night that James and I became good friends. We talked about a lot of things, but he promised he wouldn't bring up anything about that night in August unless I wanted to talk first. I reconnected with Will and Alice, and I slowly began to heal. The attack is still my fault, and that's something I'll never forgive myself for, but I've learned to live with it.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Christmas holidays were settling in on the Hogwarts campus, and now I felt I could tell Will and Alice about what had happened. James was right, I did need to talk.

"Will, Alice, can I talk to you?" I said hesitantly. James would be there for moral support, and Will and Alice barely noticed. They had become accustomed to him being around, and it seemed like he wasn't going away.

I took a deep breath.

"Do you remember back in September when I couldn't talk about my summer? Well there was a reason for it." I said. We went into the Head Dorm, and sat on the sofa. I stared at the fire, my mouth moving, but me barely acknowledging what I was saying until it was out of my mouth.

"Oh my bloody Merlin….I'm gonna find and kill that son of a bitch if it's the last thing I do." said Will. Of course she would start with death threats. I mean come on, this is Will Perkins we're talking about here. "I guess…we have you to thank for saving Lily's life James," Will said, looking at James. James nodded. I hadn't breathed a word about his cousin, and I could tell he was thankful for that.

"But the important thing is, Alice, Will." I said. "You can't tell anybody. I had a hard enough time telling you."

"We would never betray you like that Lily. I swear." said Alice sincerely. I smiled as they hugged me. I looked over at James and he smiled too.

~*~*~*~*

I wrote to my parents, wishing them happy holidays and all that, and they wrote back, they were happy to hear from me. I smiled and I heard a voice behind me.

"It's good to see you smiling again Lily." I jumped and turned to see James leaning on the doorframe.

"I've smiled," I said dully. He walked in.

"Not recently."

"Your point?"

"My point is that it's good to see you smile. It means you're moving on."

I had nothing to say to that.

~*~*~*~*

New Years passed and James and I had become closer then ever. He, Will and Alice were still the only people that knew about what happened on August 15th, 1977.

The nightmares were gone, but I still slept with my teddy bear every night. What, a seventeen year old witch can't cling to her Muggle childhood?

Speaking of my age, today is January 29th, the day before my birthday. I don't know if I feel up to celebrating it yet. James had disappeared for the night; and I knew why. One of his best friends, Remus Lupin, is a werewolf. He and his other best friends, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, take him out to the Shrieking Shack every full moon to take care of him while he transforms.

Now, you'd think I'd steer clear, but being me, I went out into the night. It was past curfew, but the night sky always helped me.

The stars twinkled at me, almost as though they were waving. I smiled, until I heard a bark of warning.

The next part is a blur, but I do recall three animals running toward me, all trying to protect me from a werewolf.

One animal in particular stood out.

A stag, with dark brown fur and chestnut colored prongs on its head. It snapped its teeth and stood in front of me, while the black dog and tiny rat tried to stop the werewolf.

I saw the dog and the rat were failing, and the stag charged in to help, knocking the werewolf back a few feet. The moon was in the center of the sky, I figured it had to be midnight. The wolf howled loudly before running to attack…

Me.

I would have screamed, had I had the voice to do it, but I just screwed my eyes shut and prayed the pain of the bite would be quick.

But the pain never came.

I opened my eyes and the stag stood in front of me, a deep claw wound in its neck.

James. He had just saved me. Again.

~*~*~*~*

When the sun rose the next morning, I was on my way to the hospital wing. I had brought James, Remus, Sirius and Peter when the moon began to disappear and Remus changed back.

"Morning Miss Evans," yawned Madam Pomfrey. I nodded at her. "Quite a night last night, worse Mr. Lupin has been yet," she looked over at the curtained side of the room sadly. "Mr. Potter, Mr. Black and Mr. Pettigrew fought hard, and they were hurt, but they will make it. Speaking of which, I need to go see Professor Sprout about some dittany root. I keep running out…."

She walked away, down to the greenhouses to talk to Professor Sprout. I went into the hospital wing and saw James, Sirius and Remus, all asleep on three different beds. I sighed.

Peter had a claw mark on his cheek, and he was really dirty, but otherwise he didn't look any different then normal.

Sirius had a bruise on his head and a cast on his wrist, but otherwise he would be okay.

James. James had a claw wound in his neck that had traces of dittany in it. Madam Pomfrey must have used a lot of it, because it looked worse last night.

I took a deep breath and walked in farther. There was a chair near James's bed, and I sat down. His bedside table held his glasses, his Head badge, and a few other valuables. I looked back at his face.

James. For years, I detested him. I believed him to be an arrogant prick who only liked me for my looks and to have as a trophy. Another notch on his bedpost, to put it crudely.

This year, everything changed.

I don't know _when_ I'd started falling for him; maybe it was when he told me I could trust him. Maybe it was when he saved me the first time. I could go on forever, with all the maybes in the world. I brushed his hair away from his eyes with the tips of my fingers, and felt a light shock run through my spine. I hadn't touched anyone, or anything, personally and affectionately, for _months. _The shock didn't feel painful, it felt…nice.

His eyes started to flutter, and I yanked my hand away. Damn it, I forgot he's a light sleeper.

"Lily?" he said, half-awake.

"Shhh," I said, pointing to Sirius and Peter. He nodded and lowered his voice.

"What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you." I replied. "You got a deep scratch in your neck, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said, smiling at me. I felt my heart beat pick up. Ignoring it, I looked at the wall behind him so I wouldn't falter under his hazel gaze. "I've been through worse."

I could tell that had a double meaning, but I tried not to dwell on it too much. "How about you, are you okay?"

"I'm fine James," That was the first time I'd called him James out loud. Ever. He looked surprised, but the surprise turned into a genuine, happy smile.

"That's new," he commented. I knew this was coming. "But not unwelcome." he finished.

"Well, would you rather I called you Potter?" I said jokingly. He rolled his eyes.

"Of course not." he said.

There was a silence after that, and I decided I should leave. I was only there to see how he was doing, that's it. I got up, but James called me back. "Lily,"

I turned my head.

"Yes?" I said, not turning around completely.

"How are you, I mean, since…" he didn't finish, but I knew what he meant. I turned my head away.

"Fine." I lied. I'd just had a nightmare about it last night, and I'd been screaming in my sleep. But I wasn't about to tell him that.

"Lily, I know you're lying. I can hear it in your voice."

Damn him and his perceptiveness. I closed my eyes.

"It's nothing." I said. "Get better soon James," I said as I walked quickly out of the hospital wing, and found Alice and Will coming up the steps. Shit.

"Lily!" said Alice. "We've been looking all over for you!"

"Why were you in the hospital wing?" asked Will. I bit my lip.

"No reason, just talking to Madam Pomfrey." I lied. I hate lying, I really do. Not just because it makes me feel guilty, but because I'm _terrible _at it.

Alice and Will looked at me quizzically. I tried not to fidget.

"All right, let's go have breakfast," said Alice. Thank. Merlin.

~*~*~*~*~

Valentine's Day was painful.

It seemed like millions of girls were at the Marauders' beck and call, making Will seethe and me want to throw up. Alice was just kind of in the middle.

Lunch was the worse though.

Of course Will, Alice and I sat at the far end of the Gryffindor table, trying our best to ignore the squeals of fangirls from the other end.

I really didn't feel like eating, so I just twirled my spoon around in my soup, staring into it blankly.

Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. I instinctively jumped, and turned to see James and Sirius standing there. Will rolled her eyes and ignored Sirius. Oh boy, guess they're off again.

"Come on Will, don't be like that," Sirius said, sitting next to her.

"Shut up Sirius," she growled. He grinned. Jackass.

"You're a jackass Black," Will snarled.

"You know you love me." Sirius replied. Will glared at him, but didn't deny it.

So I, --stupidly, I might add-- did it for her.

"Actually Sirius, she doesn't. You think everyone loves you. News flash, they don't, and the world doesn't revolve around you!"

"Oohh," cooed the fangirls. I rolled my eyes.

"Big talk coming from you, Evans," Sirius replied. Will stared at me, unable to react. "Big talk from someone who's still a virgin and has never gotten laid!"

I gasped, and I felt tears in my eyes, and I fought them back. That bastard, he had no right! I stomped out of the room, but not before I heard James growl,

"That was too far Sirius. Way. Too. Far."

I bet Will kneed him in the groin. Good, I hope it hurt.

~*~*~*

I stayed in my dormitory the rest of the day. James was the only one who would show, and he wouldn't be here until later.

I cried. I cried like a baby, lying there in my bed. I held on to my teddy bear, as tightly as I could muster. How dare Sirius suggest that! James was right, he had gone too far.

I wasn't a virgin anymore. I hadn't been since August. I was raped, and my virginity was stolen from me. I can picture the idiot's face now. I pictured a clueless, shocked stare, and it made me smile, past the cold tears that were running down my cheeks.

"Lily," Oh sweet Merlin, not now… "I'm so sorry. Sirius….just doesn't think."

"Of course you defend him," I snarled. He sighed.

"I'm sorry Lily, but you've got me between a rock and a hard place. Sirius is my best mate, but you're the most important person in my life."

I gasped. Did he just say….? "I mean it Lily." he took a deep breath. I heard his footsteps come closer, and I stuffed Buddy under my pillow. "I'm in love with you."

Did I just hear right? Did James Potter just say he loves me? How can he love me? Me, of all people? Me?

"You can't love me James. I don't deserve it." I said bitterly. "Give your love and affection to someone who deserves it. Don't waste your time on me."

I turned to face him, and I saw his eyes. They were caring, but a little angry.

"Stop talking like that. If anyone's too good for me, it's you, Lily. You're kind, sweet, caring, smart, and beautiful. Everything _I _don't deserve."

I'm….appalled. Shock doesn't quite cover it. He really does care. "Lily, when I saw those thugs attacking you in that alley, I didn't know what to do. I had to stop them, justify Olivia, make her death worth something. But I also had to save you, because I've loved you since the day we met."

Tears come to my eyes, but this time…they're warm. I haven't cried warm tears for what seemed like an eternity. I think that means I'm crying happy tears.

_Happy…_

It seems so distant, but..I feel it whenever I'm around James. He makes me truly happy.

He's standing by the bed now, and I look at him. He sits down and I hug him. He's surprised, but he hugs me back. The warm tears flood from my eyes, and I feel at ease. I leaned my head on his chest and listened to the steady thumping of his heart. "You know, Will kicked Sirius pretty hard when you left. She says she hates him now, but she's said that before."

I laughed, for the first time in ages. "I told him off too. He still doesn't know why it matters that he went so far, but he knows he made a big mistake. He told me too apologize for him."

"Apology accepted," I smiled warmly. James smiled back. I hugged him, and he hugged me back. "James, I have to tell you something,"

"Hm?"

"I love you too. You're a hero."

"I'm no hero," he said humbly.

"You're right. You're _my _hero."

* * *

A/N: Holy freaking crap, this took almost three days to finish. For you Sirius-lovers out there, I'm sorry for that little exchange, but I figured it was better to use someone that would hurt both James and Lily, at the same time. Nevertheless, longest one-shot for me yet! Congratulate me with a review, and let me know what you think. As this is very different from what I normally write, spare me any bad reviews/flames.

Thanks.

Page Count: 18

Word Count: 6,526

~Charmed


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